Estimated Time of Departure 5:00 A.M.

What are the odds? I've packed the bags, I've packed the medicine cabinet, I've packed the Toy Box and I've packed the diapers. I just don't have the brain-power to do this anymore. It should be easier, I don't have to pack high chairs or play-pens or bottles. It's the "what if's" that do me in. AND YES, CHARLIE, I know they have Walmarts in Amarillo. It would just be easier and less expensive if I could remember to bring what I need. But I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I can't do it, I'm gonna forget something.

Last year when we went, we forgot Peaches "friend" for bedtime. She doesn't have any one particular friend, she has a stable of "friends" that she chooses from to sleep with every night. How in the world we left the house without a stuffed animal stashed somewhere, I'll never know. But, the first night came and we were tucking her in and she said "I need my friend." and we just looked at each other. We scoured the car and the bags and the diaper bag and couldn't come up with a thing. And short of sending her to bed with one of the dog's rawhides, we just didn't have anything, so Charlie grabs his Dr. Pepper, pulls the Koozie off of it and says "Here, you can sleep with my friend Koozie Joe." And she bought it, hook line and sinker.

Then there's the issue of how fast can we get there. I know it's a man cliche' to see how fast you can do the trip, but Charlie goes above and beyond the cliche'. I took the kids to my Dad's for a visit in March and on our way home, I took a different route than I normally do, so I was scootin' down the highway and looked up and there's a policeman right behind me. I hissed at the kids "EVERYBODY PUT YOUR SEATBELTS ON RIGHT AND BE QUIET, MOMMA'S GETTING A TICKET!" So he walked up and asked for my license and said "Ms. D, were you aware that the speed limit here is 55?" "Uh, no sir." "Are you in a hurry?" "No sir, just tryin to get home." He looks at the license and says, "You live in Houston?" "Yes sir." "I see Friday's your birthday." "Yes sir." "I'll be back in just a minute." so he goes to his car to write me up and the kids are whispering and buzzing and I'm thinking "Oh Charlie's gonna have a HAY DAY with this! 70 in a 55, crap!" Then he gets back and says "Ms. D, I'm just gonna give you this warning, now the speed limit is 55 till you get to I-45, drive safe." I exhaled, drove off and Melee' said "Mom, how come everytime Dad gets stopped, he always gets a ticket and you never do?" I said "I don't know, but you need to be sure and ask Daddy that when we get home." At one point several years back, he had a period of time where he was taking Defensive driving for one ticket, paying a lawyer to have one dismissed and then did deferred adjudication for the third, all at one time.

It's eleven o'clock and he just came in to say that he's going to put gas in the truck (yes a real truck) and I said "Why don't you go ahead and put the carseats in while you're doing that." he let's out a big sigh and says "Are you bustin' my chops or what?" This from the man that did none of his own packing today and that I had to wrestle to the ground, to unhand him of the pair of holey jeans he was trying to sneak in to the bag. I draw the line with holes in the crotch area, I don't give a damn how soft they are. There's my line. I drew it. Don't cross it.
I mean it.

I better get to bed, I may not be the boss, but ya'll know who runs this show, don't ya?