Drowning in a Sea of Diva

When my niece came to stay with us, to say I was unprepared, would be an understatement.

Growing up I was never a girly-girl. I had stuffed animals, I wore jeans, I had a horse, I read books and I talked to imaginary friends. I was too shy to talk to real ones. I'm trying to remember what I was like in fourth grade and I can say without a doubt, I never wore a dress. I didn't have my ears pierced until I was in sixth grade.

So when Zoey came to town, I had no frame of reference. I thought I was all over this girly stuff, having bought Peach a closet full of pink clothes and ponytail fluffs to match. I had no idea. We went out to eat the other night and Zoey and Peach came be-bopping out of her room, with Peach wearing an outfit featuring gauchos, a matching top, coordinating Hello Kitty purse, sandals....and sparkle lip gloss. That's right, I said sparkle lip gloss. That's me at the end of the hall, frozen, with my brain trying to connect to the server, and my mouth hanging open. I usually can find just the right thing to say, but I'm not fast on the fly. I've got to think about it. So instead, I closed my gaping mouth and said nothing. When Zoey asked me if I had any earrings she could borrow, I stood with that same, stuck- on- pause face she had just seen in the hall. I mumbled something about not really having much in the way of earrings and we shuffled through my jewelry box.

Okay first of all, I'm forty years old and I only have two pair of dangly earrings to my name. Costume? Yes, but for 9 year olds? No. I've managed not to loose approximately 3 pairs of real gold earrings over the past twenty years, as my mother quit buying me jewelry to loose, when I was about sixteen. To share with a 9 year old? No. We settled on a smallish pair of faux diamond studs. Too much bling for a 9 year old, in my opinion.

Yesterday, the fourth day of school, she came whirling into the house to ask if she could call her friend Trish. Frozen pause face. Later I asked my brother, "Do you guys have a phone policy?" They currently have no policy. Me with a blank stare.

This morning, she came downstairs and asked me if she had P.E. or music today. I said, I don't know. She said, could you look it up online? I tried, but there was no info on fourth grade schedules. She asked, "Could you call the office?" And I said, they don't answer the phones this early. "Why?" " Well, I wanted to wear my sandals today, but I can't if we have p.e." I said, what if you put your tennis shoes and socks in your backpack and then you can change if you have p.e.? That worked, and she came back out sporting her sandals to ask me if they were too tall.

Frozen stare.

I have nothing to compare them to except my own closet. They were higher than any sandal I have, but to hold her to my standard would be unfair as my fanciest sandal is a flip-flop, a flat flip-flop, not a wedge.

"No, I think they're fine."

She twirled away and was back in under a minute with my green dangly earrings and said "Can I borrow these."

Pause face.

"Nope, not till I talk to your Momma."

I've been given a lot to chew on over the last couple of weeks, and thankfully several years to implement my own policies. I'm considering a phone downstairs complete with cord, so I can eavesdrop on all conversations. I'm thinking about going for an all natural look for myself so that I don't have any makeup to share. And I was just telling Peach this morning how much it hurt when I had my ears pierced. "Yes, I think it may have bled a little."

I'm sure my brother has a tale to tell about his uptight sister and her smack-talking kids. And I did see him with the Open-mouthed, gaping horror look on his face the other night, when the kids were sharing Dirty Brownie Fudgey Overload at the restaurant, and Peach was shoveling big piggy forkfuls into her mouth as fast as she could to insure that she got more than her fair share.

Don't get between a Diva and her Chocolate.