Just so you know..this is how we roll...

My neighbor Chase, was asking Peach some questions about Kindergarten the other day. Peach is always giving out the low down about the bad kids in the class, so she starts with her list of which boys had to move their pin that day. She says "Colby burped today." and Chase said, "Ew, did you tell on him?" and she said "Oh no! I got Will to do it for me."

:) That's my girl.

Just to say I'm Alive...

I've been MIA. We're three weeks in to the new school year and I still don't have the hang of it, plus I've been sick for about a week and a half. I now have six pack abs from coughing my guts out. Blech!

Ace started "school" a little over a week ago and he loves it! He sings in the morning when it's his "school day". Sometimes he wears his Spongebob backpack on our way to the elementary school even though his doesn't start till 9:30. Wouldn't it be nice if the one in eighth grade loved school that much? If wishes were horses...

Bonnie is still loving Kindergarten and I only cry occasionally, like when she tries to walk with the big girls to school and doesn't want to walk with me, and then the big girls run ahead and leave her behind and I don't know if I'm crying for me or her. I haven't had many free days to ponder the fact that I'm on my own for 5 hours, three days a week, it's probably safer that way.
I start my gig as a volunteer for Kindergarten Centers today. Eye roll. Not only do I resent Kindergarten for taking my baby girl, now I've got to go work the gig. Wish me luck, I have it on good authority that Ty is a bad boy and that Colby is a burper.

Crying Over Kindergarten is SO Yesterday

At least I hope it is. I'll tell you tomorrow.

But TODAY I have a little business to take care of. You know how all the people you know who are playing Fantasy Football are pissing and moaning because they didn't get LaDainian Tomlinson on their teams?

SORRY 'BOUT YOUR LUCK! LOSERS!

HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

That's right! I had first pick in the draft and got L.T.! I can be gloaty and full of myself for approximately 6 days and 5 hours when the Chargers play the Bears and Tomlinson will have a season ending injury that will help lead ILLEGAL USEoMY FOOT to fourteenth place in the league.

Not to be pessimistic or anything.

The Definition of Taking it Hard

So to recap...

Peach went to Kindergarten on Monday and I cried.

Tuesday, she decided she wanted to be like the big kids and have a tray for lunch, so we went to the cafeteria early to buy a lunch ticket. The cafeteria is where all the kids gather before the first bell rings. One of the "helpers" wouldn't let me buy the ticket but insisted I put a check in her backpack and the teacher would take care of it. So I had to squat down and try to explain this new thing she had to remember in order to get her lunch and as she listened to me and looked around the cafeteria at the throng of kids, her eyes glazed over and she zoned out. When I got home, I cried.

She came home in a great mood on Tuesday and thought she was such a big girl for having her lunch on a tray. So on Wednesday, I dropped her off at her room and it was ALL good, and then I went to the psychologist, and I cried.

Thursday, I thought I was gonna be totally in the clear, because if it hadn't been for Dr. Scott, Wednesday would have been a tear free day. Drop off was just fine. Short Shanks and I hit the gym (my gym partner really IS a monkey) and afterward we headed to Target to spend his $20 in birthday money that was burning a hole in my pocket. We got a couple of toys and a new pair of gym shorts for me, as this is evidently going to be my morning uniform. We topped it off with some popcorn and cokes and headed home. On the drive home, I realized I don't make enough money to shop my way out of the fact that I just put my baby girl in Kindergarten, and I cried.

Friday, we're in the home stretch. We're having all our friends over after school, everyone's in a great mood. I've got my appointment with my trainer at 11:00 and lunch with a friend at 12:00 and as Ace and I walked back to the house we stopped to talk to my neighbor Chase and she asked how it was going and I opend my mouth, and cried.

And the Oscar GOES TO.....

ME!

for Best Portrayal of a Happy Mother Dropping off a Kindergartner. It started out in the Comedy/Musical category, but as soon as I exited the building it became a Drama. I might have scared some children on their way in, but I hold it against their Rule Breaking Mommas who were taking them IN what was clearly the EXIT. For her part, Peach held it together. She looked like she might have wanted to cry, but it might have just been allergies. I haven't slept in over a week. Last night she came in and got in bed at midnight, I woke up sometime in the three o'clock hour and I quit pretending and got out of bed at 6:00.

We went to "Meet the teacher" Friday and it was a MADHOUSE! Kids, Moms, Dads, Sibs, teachers, tables, pens, paperwork, then the tour of the facilities, "This is this, and that is that...", then the putting away of the school supplies, saying hello to the teacher, saying hello to the turtles...an hour later we were home and I was catching my breath and realizing I had a whole handful of papers I had not turned in per the instructions. I'm off to my usual stellar performance for Mother of the Year.

Over the weekend she would ask questions or make statements totally out of the blue, like "I didn't notice very many toys in Mrs. Pinecone's room." (She thinks the teacher's name sounds very fancy because they call the teachers by their more formal last name, instead of Miss First Name like they did at Mother's Day Out, which made her laugh and say 'It's like Mrs. Broccoli or Mrs. Pinecone!') And then she said "Do we go on field trips?" Which is a no. She said "But Melee' went on a field trip." and I said "Yes, you have one field trip in the fourth grade." Then this morning she said "Daddy said they had centers, but I didn't see any centers." Because "centers" at Mother's Day Out is toys and playing, but "centers" in Kindergarten is Reading, Math, Computers and Oh yeah, Arts and Crafts. Needless to say I felt like I left my baby to the wolves this morning.

Short Shanks and I are rattling around the house, every hour or so he comes up to me and says "Where's Peach?", my stomach seizes up, I explain again and we start all over.

Melee' and Zoe both got great teachers this year and since they're in fifth grade, they're the big kids on campus, as is John who got on the bus as an eight grader today. As he and the neighbors went out to the bus I said "You guys be benevolent rulers." They all looked at me like I was an alien so I said "Be nice to the little kids on the bus!" Then I got the "Whatever" eye-roll and sideways grin.

Three down, one more to go. So, when does this get easier?

Tales of Camping. Light.

On the first day Peach said,

"Isn't this great Momma! No chores! No Dishes! No laundry!"

Amen sister. Except for the part where I'll have 14 loads of laundry to do when we pull up into the driveway, and after I've soaked everything in Oxyclean for 24 hours. And contrary to popular belief I can not feed the four of you Marshmallows toasted on coat hangers for every meal for the next three days. But other than that... Pure Bliss baby!

One morning while helping Ace put his pants on he said,

"A one, a two, a skiddley-diddley-doo!"

And that's how I hope to put on my pants for the rest of my life.

TALL Tales from West Texas

OR

Rural Emergency 911

One hot morning while camping at Lake McKenzie, I decided to walk the kids up to the playground area. So we headed up the dusty dirt road in search of swings and merry-go-rounds. It didn't take long for the kids to start whining and complaining about how far it was. John decided that we should definitely take a shortcut down one of the ATV trails, but I didn't want to start down a trail and have it wind off in the wrong direction so I said "No." we would stay on the road, it was only a little further. John said "Well, I'm taking the shortcut." and off he went. I thought 'Whatever. He'll be sorry when we get there and he's still trying to figure out which hill he's supposed to go over.' But as we topped the long steep incline there he was, sitting on a picnic table saying "What took you guys so long."

(Internal eye roll and Doh!)

The playground turned out to be two swings, a rusty merry-go-round and a plastic slide with a hole in the top that looked like a booby-trap. I kept yelling, "Ya'll don't go too far! You're gonna get stickers!" to which Ace would reply "Stickers! I WANT STICKERS! I WANT STICKERS!" Which begs the question, 'How did I raise kids that don't know what it's like to never have your shoes off outside for fear of goatheads?' So the minutes wore on in the hot sun until finally my plan of catching a ride back to camp with Charlie as he came back from town, turned into trekking down the shortcut and letting the kids pick up a few rock treasures on the way. We got to the edge of the playground when John started complaining of something really sharp in his shoe, but after investigating twice, couldn't find what it was. Turns out he stepped on a mesquite bush thorn that went all the way through his hiking shoe. When neither of us could get it out with our fingers, I had to put the bottom of the shoe up to my mouth and bite down on the thorn in order to pull it out. We regathered ourselves and headed down the trail. At the bottom of the first hill it opened up to a big riding area with hills and trails and the kids went in search for rocks to bring home. After another ten minutes in the sweltering heat I said "Times up!" and we found the trail that would take us out to the main road. Up the trail we went, around a corner and on the way down, when Peach lost her footing and fell hands first into a cactus.

I scooped her back up onto her feet to find that her left hand was covered in small thorns with four or five large thorns mixed in. Every time I touched her I came away with a few thorns in my own hands. I pulled out the large ones and when I did, her hand spurted blood that drizzled down her arm. She was wailing like a siren as I tried to calm her down and I soon realized we would have to get back to camp and find my tweezers to pull out the hundreds of tiny stickers. I told her we'd have to keep walking and I turned to find Melee' behind us watching and bawling and behind him, Ace was looking up at Melee' and crying. I was already chanting the mantra "It's okay, it's gonna be okay, it's alright, it's not that bad....." I said "Okay everybody, take a deep breath, we've got to get back to camp." We walked down the path, I was trying to hold her hand but we could only hook pinkies while she held the other hand in the air and the blood flowed down and dripped off her elbow. Melee' was making hitching sob sounds while cursing all cactus on the face of the earth, and Ace just trailed behind crying quietly. I asked John if he would go back to the cactus and see if he could find her two special rocks. The rest of us plodded along and I rallied the troops by singing a rousing course of

'F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for you and me, TRY IT, N is for anywhere and anytime at all! Down here in the deep blue sea!"

We had gotten 15 yards farther down the road, when all of a sudden, John comes shrieking around the corner towards us in absolute abject terror. He was screaming and running faster than I knew he could run. I thought 'OH MY GOD, HE'S BEEN BITTEN BY A SNAKE!' No. Not exactly. He was, however, being chased by what was evidently a killer hornet, which chased him mercilessly causing him to fall down tearing a hole in his jeans, his knee and the palm of his hand. Now it's as if we're in a Friday the Thirteenth sequel and I'm leading all the unlucky souls on a death march to what will no doubt be our ultimate fate when we get back to camp. Of course Charlie pulls up in the truck right as we get to the camp turn in, and finds us dusty, sweaty, bloody and crying. It took the two of us working two pairs of tweezers at least 15 minutes to pull all the needles out of her hands and arms, after which she said she needed to lay down because her stomach hurt. After a short nap we were checking her hand when Charlie found that the knuckle on her fourth finger did not seem to be there anymore which caused us to drive into Silverton to find an Urgent Care center. At the end of the day she had four ex-rays that showed she probably hyper-extended her fingers and had a small sprain but all was well and the Dr. sent us off with instructions on icing her hand and a warning about the rattlesnakes which are having a banner year.

And I never slept for the rest of the trip and we all lived happily ever after.

Rockin the Purple Spandex Unitard Circa 1993, Bitch!

Everything was still packed in the Suburban. Because we were supposed to be on vacation last Thursday. Everything includes my workout clothes, and I was determined Not to unpack. Which sparked this conversation at the gym yesterday...

As I'm laying on the floor doing my ab work....

John: "Mom? Are those shiny purple shorts you're wearing?"

Me: "What?"

John: "Are those purple things shorts?"

Me: "No it's a unitard. See?" I show him a purple shoulder-strap under my T-shirt.

John: (With surpsrise eyes) "That thing goes all the way up?"

Me: "Yep." I pull up the T-shirt just over my waist.

John: "A unitard? Like that thing Jen on Big Brother had to wear for a week? You're not gonna wear that without a T-shirt are you?"

Me: (Grinning from ear to ear) "Maybe in another twenty pounds. Why? You don't like my shiny purple spandex unitard?"

John: (Grinning and shaking his head no) "Where did you get that thing?"

Me: "Top of my closet in a bag of clothes I haven't worn in over 13 years."

Who Am I?

I’m changing my name ya’ll.

I’ve decided that no matter how you say it, or what my original intent, but Momma sounds like I’m calling myself Fat Ass. And while that’s not completely inappropriate, I would never call any of my friends Fat Ass. And in the spirit of being my own best friend, I’m retiring but Momma and giving myself a new handle. And because I stink at giving myself a nickname, I thought I might let you guys give me some input.

Here is a list of names, most of which, are things people have called me , because evidently my name is too hard to pronounce…

Geraldine
Josephine
Christine
Jolene
Kristin
Justin
Steve

Nobody ever actually called me Steve, but something about the way my brother pronounces my name, makes me turn and respond to anyone who calls out “Hey Steve!”

I also am thinking about

Jay Dee
Just Me (I think there are a lot of those on the internets)
The Little Red Headed Girl (to my husband’s Charlie Brown. Too many words.)

I’ve got nothing….

I'VE BEEN TAGGED!! OMG!!

And now for Eight Random Things from Colleen at Spank your Inner Moppet...
Ya'll be sure to go visit and tell her I said HI!

1. It's raining again and my mood has gone from a 9 to a 3 in two short hours. It could have to do with the rain, it could have to do with the fact that, although my kitchen looks Fan-Tastic, the rest of my house still has little piles of junk that I took out of the kitchen, that I don't want to put back, but I can't bring myself to throw any of it away. I hate that about myself.

2. Friday Ace got himself into a little trouble, when Charlie told him he had to get off the computer he mumbled under his breath "If I was as big as you, I'd kill you." (I had to stifle a laugh, because...well, come on, he's THREE and we don't let him watch CSI or anything.) So he got sent to bed and may have gotten a spanking which I will neither confirm nor deny. Later when the boys, Charlie and I were on the couch watching a movie, Charlie said "I'm really hot. Is it hot to you?" I said "You better check the thermostat, Ace might be trying to kill you slowly." He's sort of known around here for shenanigans with the thermostat.

3. I haven't called any of the people that I need to call, to let them know that I will be here this week but won't be here the next week because I'm too dumb to know when I'm on vacation. (That would include my trainer, my psychologist and John's Viola teacher.) When Charlie showed up to work on Thursday, they had taped a big WELCOME BACK poster on his door and everyone had written little notes like "We really missed you" and "Please don't stay gone so long next time." and "HaHa!! Lay off the booze!" and "You're killin us! And we have to go through this again when?" Because Wednesday he had gone to everybody's office and sang "I'm on va-CAY-tion! I'm on va-CAY-tion!"

4. I finished the last Harry Potter book Friday night at around 10:30 and in my humble and un-literary opinion it was the best! Some of the books kind of dragged with a lot of information, but this one just tied up all the loose ends and was lots of action! And I wasn't smart enough to figure out the ending before I got there. I believe J.K. Rowling deserves to be richer than the Queen.

5. I'm really in the mood to see a new movie. The boys have seen most of the ones I wanted to see. I took them to see Ratatouille, amusing, but rat's cooking my food? EECHH!! Melee's seen Transformers and Evan Almighty and John's been to see Harry Potter. We rented Bruce Almighty the other day and although we've seen it before, I laughed SOO hard and we let the kids watch it and we must have looked at it five times and it never got old.
"I lik-a do-a da Cha-Cha!" Go rent it if you haven't seen it in a while!

6. This morning I was down to 192.6 on the scale, which is FABULOUS (35 lb loss) considering I haven't been very strict with my eating plan (she said while eating some M & M's) and haven't written in my food diary for about three weeks. Ya'll please don't tell my trainer, he'll want me to do more burpees for punishment. Cause I'm supposed to punish myself when I do stuff like that. Have I told ya'll lately how much I love M & M's and how fun it is to eat all the brown ones and then randomly decide to eat some other color next and then at the end you have some fun color combination? That's why I have a psychologist.

7. Staring intently around the room really doesn't help you think of anymore random things. And neither will your husband who thinks Eight Random Things would be

• boloney
• ceiling fans
• tin cans
• water bottles
• stuffed animals
• silverware
• comb
• aloe vera gel

Which is an actual list of eight random things I can see while staring around the room.

8. Today I looked at the weather forecast for Amarillo for the next two weeks. Go ahead, guess...

Rain.

I'm really not too good at tag, but just for fun, let's see if I can get One Tall Momma, Bonnie B., and Jodi to play....Tag. You're it!

I Was on Vacation for Approximately 93 Minutes

Funny thing happened on the way to my vacation...

I was SO totally stressed out. Were the appliances coming or weren't they? They decided they would try and deliver and install on Tuesday between 3:00 and 6:00, which I took to mean, "I'll passify you by putting you on the list for Tuesday, but will then call you late Tuesday evening and tell you I can't make it till Wednesday, which is when I wanted to deliver them in the first place." But all that did was paralyze me while I waited. So instead of sitting around the house all day, I took the kids and we went to the gym and then the bank, Smoothie King, Sonic, Academy, and Walmart. (Because I have no problem doling out $6.00 for a Skinny High Protein Almond Mocha w/Diet Down for me, but the kids are getting a $2.00 Ice Cream Shake at Sonic) So we piddled around till 2:00, then I went back to Sonic and picked up their late lunch and we returned home to wait out the Maytag Men.

I could have been getting ready for our trip to Amarillo. We were tentatively planning on leaving Wednesday afternoon or Thursday morning. But no, I was content to sit in my chair and read Harry Potter till the delivery truck rolled up at around 6:00. And yes, I could chronicle another long complaint against the Maytag store, but I'm bored with it and I know ya'll are too so....

TA-DA!

ALL HAIL CHARLIE, THE KITCHEN REMODELER!

SO SEXY IT HUUUUUURRRRTS!

AND ALL HAIL MY BROTHER KRULL! WHO CAME OVER WITH HIS SAWS-ALL AND CUT A PERFECTLY STRAIGHT LINE FOR THE INSTALLERS TO PUT IN MY DOUBLE OVEN AND HELPED CHARLIE INSTALL THE MICROWAVE SLASH VENT A HOOD......

So on Wednesday, instead of getting ready for our trip to Amarillo, I sat in my chair reading Harry Potter right up until about 2:00 when I forced myself to put the book down and start packing everyone a suitcase. Charlie got home around 6:00 and he pulled out the trailer full of motorcycles and began to pack up camping gear. We had decided to drive to Canton where we would pick up John,spend the night with my Mom, and then head on to Amarillo Thursday morning. We packed suitcases, diapers, medicines, sheets, chairs, helmets, shoes and more shoes, makeup and hairdryers, pillows and stuffed animals, camera, snacks, hats, sunscreen, tools, ipod, purse, magazines, dvd's, and Harry Potter. We pulled out of the driveway just before 8:00 p.m., we circled the block and came back for the Best of The Dallas Cowboys DVD set, and we were off. 93 minutes later, Charlie spoke to my brother-in-law and realized we weren't supposed to be on vacation until NEXT week.

I'm just telling you right here and now, I'm not unpacking that suburban.

Appliances and Humor. I need both.

The appliance saga continues. I told you guys last Wednesday that the appliances were backordered for another week. Well then she called me late Friday and said "I have all three of your appliances! (Aren't I good and now you can't be pissed at me!) Could we come to install them Monday between 10:00 and 2:00?" And I said, "Why yes! You CAN come and install them between 10:00 and 2:00! (You've totally redeemed yourself and I can't wait to get off the phone and sing your praises!)

So Charlie and I kicked it into high gear this weekend and grouted (Thursday and Friday nights) and then repainted all the kitchen cabinets. (Yes! You should be totally impressed, because repainting cabinetry sucks!) First coat all day Saturday and second coat all day Sunday. Charlie sanded and first coated all the scub marks, (scubs being a technical term) and then I painted while he, reran the drain to the dishwasher because we forgot to knock out the drain plug in the new disposal and therefore the dishwasher had no place to drain. (Notice I said we, because I'm thoughtful like that!) Then he changed out the old ugly faux wood panel and shiny brass ceiling fan for the new shiny white one, reglued all the drawers that were falling apart, ran to the store to take back the handles I didn't like and get more knobs (Because I'm great at math and counting things!), and he got a new white faux wood blind and hung that, and took my half doors that have louvers that were totally scuffed and peeling and painted them outside with the fancy spray painter and then spray painted the inside and outsides of all my drawers. (Because the goobers who painted the cabinets before us only painted the outside!)

And we patted ourselves on the back some more!

Then this morning the owner of the Maytag store called to tell me that two of his installers had called in sick and he needed to reschedule for Wednesday. And that's all I have to say about that.

So I'll leave you with this little bit of Ace-humor and if you'd like to cheer me up, you can leave me a joke or a funny in my comments. Don't feel any pressure. It's not like I'm on the verge of going postal in the Maytag store or anything.

* * * *

We were getting ready to leave my Mom's a couple of weeks ago and I was in the back bedroom tidying up where the kids had been sleeping. Ace walked in put his hands on his hips and in his 3 year old Texas drawl said, "WHAT IN THE HECK ARE YOU DOING!?"

And I squinted my eyes at him and answered in my best 'You must be ridiculous!' voice, "I'm making the bed!"

And he says "HOLY SHRIMP!" and exits the room. While I stammer and laugh "HEY! You better watch you exclamatory language young man!"

Stabbed in the Back by the Maytag Man

Today I was supposed to be posting pictures of my fab new appliances. Go ahead, take a look, I'll wait right here...


Nope, NO FAB NEW APPLIANCES! We ordered them last Wednesday.
Tuesday I called and asked for the status and the girl said "Oh, they're scheduled for delivery for tomorrow." So yesterday I got up all giddy with anticipation. I vacuumed, dusted, rearranged all the piles of stuff from my cabinets, I even moved out the refrigerator and cleaned underneath it so I wouldn't be embarrased when they moved the old one out. (And man, would I have been embarrased, evidently that's a chore that needs to be scheduled on some kind of monthly basis.) Then midmorning I started cleaning out the odds and ends and leftovers out of the fridge. When they hadn't called by noon, I stopped by to say "WHAT up?! :) " you know, in an absolutely jovial, "Love ya. Where's my Maytag Man?" sort of way. That's when she told me she was still waiting on my Ice2-O. "Huh?" Turns out, my fridge is BACKORDERED for TWO WEEKS!

TWO WEEKS? When was she gonna call and tell me THAT critical piece of information? Evidently, never. I was just gonna sit here the entire day saying things like "They must be really busy today." "They're probably waiting till the end of the day since we have three things to install." "They probably had trouble with someone else's delivery, they're just running a little late." "The rain's slowing them down, I bet." "Man, they're really cutting it close." "But it's nine o'clock, why didn't anyone call?" Or today, or the next day, or the next day, or the next day, for SEVEN MORE DAYS WHEN I'M GONE ON VACATION!!!!!@#%"!!!!!!!!!!



But I'm not bitter.

So instead of a pic of my cool new appliances, I'll let you see this one. Please excuse the tired piece of toast and my old nasty cookie sheet. I'm going to Wally today to buy two new shiny ones, because I won't sully my new oven with a rusty bottomed cookie sheet.

Our arms are SO tired from patting each other on the back! Not to mention I've got some kind of weird hip flexor/knee pain from leaning over the counter for seven hours straight and Charlie damaged something in his groin area that is somehow critical for pushing down hard enough on the brake to stop his truck. I don't think we'll ever get hired out for this kind of work, we'd have to charge $100 an hour a piece, plus we'd both end up on Workmans Comp. Tonight we've convinced ourselves that we're going to grout, (WE being the collective we as in Charlie grouting and me sitting and giving unsolicited advice.)

Never Had ONE Lesson!

Our first attempt at the tile backsplash.

Not bad for amatuers. Plus the labor is dirt cheap.

I'm in charge of artistic matters.

Charlie is in charge of Geometery, gameplan, electrical, mastic, and working the scary wet saw.

Today we start the LOOOOONG backsplash behind the sink, with three plugs and turning a corner.

Cross your fingers!

I Was Here and Now I'm Gone

I'm not sure why anyone would even be checking my blog at this point, but in the spirit of "Dear Diary"....

We've been back from Canton for almost a week now. We left to get away from the relentless rain only to find that it was relentlessly raining in Canton as well. Daddy says I'll have to go to Phoenix if I want to escape the rain. It was a nice change of scenery and we went to Bahama Mama's every day. This is one of the highlights for the kids, they love going to the Shave Ice stand, we pulled up to the window the first day and after I had determined what flavor everybody wanted I started ordering, "I need one baby Cotton Candy flat, one baby Cotton Candy, one baby Mudslide flat and one baby mudslide." As soon as I said Baby Cotton Candy, Ace started hysterical laughing in the back seat and yelling "Baby Cotton Candy! BABY Cotton Candy!" The girl craned her neck out the window and asked if everything was okay. Yep, we're easily entertained.

Charlie came for the weekend and I drug him to first Monday, where we looked at Arts and Craps and ate lot's of things on a stick. Then we drove to Forney to look at our old house, because we like to check back and see if neighborhood decay has set in. They actually had put a nice new fence around the place. Last time we went by, the fence had fallen down and they had a trailer chained to a tree. (Nice..)

We took the kids to the Tyler Zoo and it was a lot of fun, right up until we lost Ace. You know when you lose your kids for just a second in the store and second by second the panic raises just a little, because deep down inside, you know they just ducked into a clothes rack, but the panic guy inside just keeps watching the clock and raising the dial? Well I got all the way to level red when I had to go into the cafe and start the procedure for a code Adam. And why is it in a panic situation, you can never remember what your own kid is wearing, or looks like in any way, or for that matter, remember that you have a digital picture of him that you took a minute and a half ago, before he went careening away from the giraffes? I was halfway through my discription when they ran in to tell me they found him. The whole time we're walking around trying to find him, I've got Peach by the hand (because By-God, I'm not gonna loose two in one day!) and she keeps talking the whole time. Things like "Is Ace gonna be lost forever? What are we gonna do if we can't find him? Did he go in with the elephants? Are we gonna go home if we can't find him? " And as the seconds wear on, I keep telling the panic guy to "SHUTUP!", but I'm afraid that's what I'm gonna say to Peach....

Good times.

He took a wrong turn as he was coming down the path to see the giraffes and he was just as scared as we were when we found him. He was crying and saying "Momma, I was looking for you everywhere and I couldn't find you." Heartbreaker! Don't ever tell me that kids on a leash is a bad idea, it's not. I'm just not confident enough to tell everyone to "Bugger off" if I were to use one and so I cave to the politically correct and let my kid get lost in the zoo. Politcally correct bastards!

We also went through a few model homes while we were in Forney, which we do for a hobby. But after looking at so many model homes over the last year, I came home and convinced Charlie it was time for a kitchen remodel. That was on the Friday that we got home. We went Saturday to price some things and by Sunday we were knee deep into a do it yourself countertop renovation. Here it is Thursday a week later and he just finished attaching all the counters and at midnight he is currently trying to get all my water reconected so that I can wash the week worth of dishes I have stacked in odd places all around the house. We're moving at the speed of Mount Rushmore, but Charlie will be an expert when we're done. He knows how to do all kinds of things I didn't know he knew how to do. He's in deep trouble now.

These are Before....I got so excited about ripping out the counters, that I forgot to take good before pictures.

And these are currently, note the fancy stainless backsplash behind the cooktop. Charlie got all the water running and nothing leaks! We're going to do tile backsplash behind the sink. I'm working on the pattern.....

More to come...stay tuned.

Tomorrow (I guess today), I'm meeting my Mom halfway to her house to switch Melee' for John. Each gets to spend a week at her house, so that she can share the joy that is my kids. I've had the talkers all week, it will be so nice to have Melee' back so we can enjoy a little silence together.

Power to the People

Today Ace asked me to put his Cody action figure on the surfboard for him, and when I handed it back I sang,

"Let's go surfin now, everybody's learnin how...

"NO!"

".. come on and safari with meeeee!"

"NO SINGING!"

"Why?"

"People can't sing when people are playing."

"Why not?"

"Because when people sing, when people are playing, people get mad."

****************

We're headed out to Canton Trade Days today. It's late in the third quarter and my defense is suffering and my rebounding is almost non-existent, so we're going to Mom's where I can pick up another player and we can tighten up the zone. Two on four is so much easier than one on four.

Why Moms Don't Go to Scout Camp

John called at about 12:30 yesterday to tell us he was home. I jumped in the truck and hurried over to the Church parking lot to pick him up. I pulled up beside the trailer, got out and greeted him with a big hug and Scoutmaster said "Whoa! Look at that brave Momma! She's gonna hug you without making you take a shower first!" At first glance he looked pretty clean, he smelled a little campy, but that's about what I expected. On the drive home I had a chance to give him a little closer inspection and after looking at his fingernails, I said "How many times did you hit the shower?" He gave me a sideways grin and I said "JOHN! TELL ME YOU TOOK A SHOWER WHILE YOU WERE GONE!" "Well, I showered off at the pool after Lifesaving." "So what you're saying is that you didn't use any soap." No comment.

Evidently the facilities at George W. Pirtle Scout Reservation were a little on the primitive side. He said that the "toilets" were buckets sitting over holes with metal toilet seats on top. He said he trooped over to the Camp Store once every other day and asked to use the real facilities. He only asked every other day because he didn't want to push his luck. He said "They had soap and everything in there."

Remember how we negotiated about what clothes he would be taking and that I won the argument over taking six (count em) SIX pair of underwear? And of course he took a week's worth of shirts and two or three pair of shorts and one pair of jeans and a bathing suit....


This is the bag of dirty clothes he brought home....

That one gallon bag had one shirt, one bathing suit, a pair of socks and one (count em) ONE pair of underwear!

This is what the bathing suit looked like after a weeks worth of Woodcarving, Ranger Corps, and Lifesaving, followed by a shower with no soap...

His feet and legs are covered in bites. Mosquitoes, horse flies, and ants. He has a rash from wearing a bathing suit 24/7 and the bites on his arms are swollen and angry. And he got a bee sting on his leg. But he didn't get lost or electrocuted.

I'm so glad he's home.

Another Day of Self-Loathing

Last night we went to the annual Faith Formation Family Spaghetti Dinner. Where we cram over 200 parents and children into a too small Meeting Hall, feed toddlers paper plates loaded with spaghetti sauce and a meatball with pink lemonade and then the kids in the program get to sing their songs complete with sign language and then we sit through a PowerPoint presentation of pictures from their week.

It took Ace approximately 20 minutes to eat his spaghetti and then he and I wrestled in a stacking chair for the next hour and a half. During the slide show, he turned to me and yelled over the music, "I DON'T LIKE MYSELF!"
and I said "Why don't you like yourself?"
to which he replied, "BECAUSE THIS IS BOOORING!"

The Trouble with Food and Blogging

I'm so tired of food.

(I still want to play Mick jr. Are you spelling Mick Jr. ? Mom are you SPELLING Mick Jr.?)

I'm tired of thinking about food, shopping for food, preparing food, writing down food, looking at food. I know it's not easier to quit smoking, but it sure feels like it sometimes. At least when you decide to quit smoking and throw out your pack of smokes, you don't have to go to the store and

(When will you get me to Mick Jr? When will you get me to Mick Jr.? When will you spell Mick Jr.? When will you spell MICK JR?!)

you don't have to go to the store and buy your kids all their favorite kinds of cigarettes. Or talk them into smoking lights instead of 100's because it's healthier for them. And then you don't have to make sure their ashtrays are clean and

(Why can't I put my shoe back on? Why can't I put my shoe back on? Why can't I put my shoe back on?)

make sure their ashtrays are clean and that you have lighters in all their favorite colors. You don't have to open their carton of cigarettes for them and undo the cellophane because they can't do it themselves and then light their cigarettes for them. You don't have to pack their cigarettes for them so that they have them when they go to Vacation Bible School. And you don't feel compelled to drive thru the local Indian Reservation Drive-thru to buy them some smokes so you don't have to go home and fix them their smokes yourself.

(Is the deer Bambi? The deer is not Bambi. Bambi is not a deer. The real Bambi is little. She jumped so ..... Is Bambi a he or a she? Who's is this? Who's book is ... who's phone is this, who's phone is this? No it's not your's it's just ours. It's just not yours it's everybodies. When will the phone ring? When will the phone ring? When will the PHONE ring? Can I ring the phone? One tiny bit? One tiny bit? Can I? )

(Mom does the green spray sting? Does the green spray sting? What does all that spell? Does that spell MOM? What does all that say? Why can't you tell me?)

Good Morning Sunshine.

It's 4:35 in the morning. It's pouring down rain. Complete with soft thunder and some lightning. But am I curled up in bed with Charlie and the toddlers that just tiptoed in and climbed under the soft sheets?

NOOOOOOOOOOOO.

No, I'm up and fixing to go out into the downpour so I can go to the gym and do burpees and squats with a 12 pound weighted ball and other similar tortures. But I'm not bitter.

Meet you on the couch at 6:30 a.m. sharp.