FYI

Ace has decided his name is Jr. McJr.

No, I have not been letting him watch Gray's Anatomy. But I do think he's sunkin special.

I'll be crying on the day he starts saying something instead of sunkin.

I keep telling the boys to stop correcting him.

Poop Debris

We've been without the use of our second upstairs bathtub for quite some time now. It started out to be a problem while taking a bath. You see, when I would drain the tub after the kids bath, there would be a little water trickle out of the air conditioning vent downstairs above the kitchen table. So we started tubbing the Littles in our bathroom and the boys still showered in theirs. It then progressed to a steady dripping of water during showers out of the vent and the nearby light fixture until finally, if you turned on the water, it seemed to be directly connected to the air vent/ light fixture in a water fountain sort of way. Bathtub closed for business. Until such time as Charlie could fit it into his schedule to "have a look at". Days became weeks and weeks started to stretch until one day as my washing machine hit the drain cycle, water started pouring out from under my downstairs toilet. I could not for the life of me figure out why the water in my washer was coming out from under the toilet. That is, until each one of the kids had gone into each of the three bathrooms and pooped in the three toilets.

That kind of thing never happens early in the day. No, it happens late in the evening after all the plumbers have gone home for the evening. I put a call into the answering service and they promised to put us at the top of the list for the following day. I'm not sure where I was the next day, but Charlie was home to meet the plumbers and we decided to let the plumbers have a look at the bathtub leak as well.

Six hundred dollars later, I had three working toilets, a draining washer, a newly caulked bathtub faucet and a clean out installed in the middle of my brick sidewalk in the backyard, with all the bricks laying hither, dither in my flower bed. I was relieved and angry at the same time. "You mean to tell me, that they think caulking around the faucet is going to stop the bathtub from leaking through to the air vent? What took so long? What do you mean they charged a hundred and fifty dollars to find the drain? Why did they put it in the middle of the sidewalk?" He explained it all away in the logical way guys do and I continued to bitch the way girls do.

Sure enough, two days later when we were given the green light to try the tub, it was a no-go. So Charlie climbed up on the table, cut open the ceiling and "had a look at it". It seems that some six hundred dollar plumber had stuck the brass fitting coming out of the tub, into a larger piece of PVC without really attaching or sealing it in any way. So off to the Ace Hardware he went and procured the proper fitting needed to fix the problem and did a very nice job, if I may say so. However, when we tried the tub, we still had a very small leak that we could not figure out where it was coming from. It had been a long day and the next day it rained, so it wouldn't have been good for putting up drywall anyway, so we put it off till the next weekend and before we knew it, Charlie had a broken clavicle and could not finish the job.

Which brings us to yesterday. Late in the evening, after dinner but before my Boy Scout Meeting, I threw the kids sheets in the washer and went upstairs to get ready. Then Charlie was yelling and when I got downstairs, the utility was flooded, from water coming out from under the toilet.

(Insert the string of curse words of your choice.)

So we got out my electric floor mop and started sucking up and dumping the wash water three cups at a time out the back door. Since I was running late, Melee' and Charlie took over the chore and John and I went on to our meeting. As we drove back into the driveway an hour later, I thought, "Strange, the driveway looks as wet as when we left." And the thought had not cleared my left ear when I see Charlie slinging another three cups out the back door.

"What's going on?"
"WATCH OUT, DON'T STEP IN ANY OF THAT, IT'S POOP WATER."
"What?"
"Ace evidently went upstairs and pooped in our toilet and has been flushing the toilet for the last ten minutes."

(Insert the string of curse words of your choice!)

At 8:00 last night I put in a call to the plumbers answering service where they assured me we would be the first stop of the day. Man, I couldn't wait till they got here. I was gonna give them a piece of my mind! What nerve they had! Six hundred dollars and I had not one thing to show for it. Except a hole in my kitchen ceiling and poop debris behind my downstairs toilet!

They got here around 9:00 this morning and before I had time to give them a piece of my mind, they pulled out a half a roll of paper towels out of the clean out drain. A hundred and fifty seven dollars later, I'm on my hands and knees cleaning up poop debris and composing a want ad in my head for a three year old.

Lucky 13

Friday the 13th was my 16th Anniversary. My husband reminded me that I forgot our Anniversary last year. I'll never live that one down. Not that we didn't celebrate, but these last few years, I rarely know what day of the week it is. My brother and sister-in-law kept all four of the kids overnight, so we went out to dinner and a movie. We ate at P.F. Chang's despite my "diet" and it was delicious! I got online and looked at the menu, and I realized I won't be eating there too often. After agonizing over my choices I settled on the Ginger Chicken and steamed Broccoli and we shared an order of Crab Wontons (worth every one of the 26 grams of fat, or 13 grams since we split them), then I analyzed the drink menu and the desert menu and decided to forgo both in favor of popcorn with a little butter on it. We saw Blades of Glory, because we're romantic like that. It was actually the second time for me to see it. Two thumbs up if you like dumb movies. I'll be singing "My Humps" for weeks.

Me and Charlie, back when we both had lots of hair. I'm laughing because my brother just dumped his handful of birdseed down the cleavage of my dress. Good times. It actually was the most beautiful day for mid-April in Amarillo Texas. They had snow on Easter this year. This was one of the best pictures, we took so many posed pics, that by the end of them I look surprised in all of them because I'm holding up my eyebrows while I'm trying to smile. Paris Hilton, I'm not. It's also one of the only pictures that you can't tell that Charlie has a mullet. (Ha! Ha!!) I loved his hair like that! Wouldn't let him cut it.

I was on the computer Friday when Charlie got home from work, and this is what I hear from the living room.

Ace yells "Daddy's home! Daddy's home!"

Then "DADDY'S HOME WITH FLOWERS!"

I got flowers, M & M's, two cards and a FOR SALE SIGN for the motorcycle. We'll see.

You can't see the M & M's because I already ate them, with a little help from my friends. He got two cards and a Chuck Norris T-shirt.

We're cheap dates, but we decided it didn't matter since we both hit the jackpot when we got married. :)

I Punched a Squirrel Because that's the Way I Play

I punched a Squirrel because that's the way I play. It makes me sound tough, doesn't it? :)

Another meme courtesy of Yerdoingitwrong. This one made me laugh outloud. It originally came from this blog. Pick the month you were born. Pick the day (number) you were born. Pick the color of shirt you are wearing. Now type out the sentence you made using the answers below:Pick the month you were born:

January----------I kicked
February--------I loved
March------------I punched
April---------------I swam with
May---------------I choked on
June---------------I murdered
July---------------- I did the Macarena with
August-----------I had lunch with
September------I danced with
October----------I sang to
November-------I yelled at
December-------I ran over

Pick the day ( number) you were born on:
1----- --a birdbath
2-------a monster
3-------a phone
4-------a fork
5-------a Mexican
6-------a flamingo
7-------my cell phone
8-------my dog
9-------my best friends' boyfriend
10------my neighbor
11------my science teacher
12------a banana
13------a fireman
14------a stuffed animal
15------a goat
16------a pickle
17------a squirrel
18------a spoon
19------myself
20------a baseball bat
21------a ninja
22------a snowman
23------a noodle
24-- ----your mom
25------a football player
26------my sister
27------my brother
28------an ipod
29------a permanent marker
30------a llama
31------a zombiePick

the color of shirt you are wearing:

White----------because I'm very pretty.
Black----------because that's how I play.
Pink------------because I'm cool like that.
Red-------------because the voices told me to.
Blue------------because I can see the future.
Green----------because I love to boogie.
Purple----------because your mom's cool.
Gray------------because the voices in my head told me to.
Yellow---------because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars
Orange---------because I tripped over my house.
Brown----------because I love my pillow.
Other-----------because I'm a ninja.
None-----------because I cant control myself.

I kindly demand that you all play along. Because Annie said so. And then let me know if you did!

Ameme.

A meme courtesy of Annie... (Happy Blogiversary!)

1. What is your favorite kind of milkshake?

Chocolate! Is there any other kind?

2. What is your fantasy job?

My husband's. Only with pay equal to the amount that let's me shop at Target anytime I want and be able to afford a Merry Maid.

3. Do you consider yourself a "neat freak" or can you handle a little mess?

I am definitely NOT a neat freak, thus my need for a Merry Maid. I do get stressed out about the mess.

4. What are your thoughts about tattoos?

I thought I'd like to have one, but my husband says he'd divorce me. Then again, how's a tatoo gonna look when I get old and wrinkly?


5. Where would you go on your fantasy vacation? Who would you want to be with you?

Hawaii! Johnny Depp, I mean my cute husband!

What is NORMAL, anyway?

And here you were, thinking I was on a roll... I was, until Evil Knievel showed up.

I've decided that despite the fact that my better half would like me not to recount this story (and by better, I mean he better get a grip!), it's a story that must be told. Because the half of you that are coming this week, are going to find out anyway. And if I had to tell MY mother, well I'm outing him....

Evil Knievel had a small mishap on the new, shiny, red bike on Friday before last. Turns out that when you hit a curb, the bike will stop and chances are, you will not. So after consulting the Orthopedist last Monday, we are on the way to the surgery center today so that they can install a metal plate and some screws to put back together his clavicle. Because right now, he's got one shoulder and one slump. Oh it's gotten somewhat better over the last week, but we're only forty-one and I'm really not wanting to spend the next forty with Igor. Plus, who's going to do all my overhead work, like changing out my ceiling fans and light bulbs I can't reach. I think the clavicle is something that must be repaired! Don't you? He hasn't put up much of a fight, but he's getting a little nervous this morning.

And, no Daddy, he hasn't gone down and gotten a For Sale sign for it yet. And, yes, I'll go down and get one today and make sure I put it on his bed tray after he gets home. I'll bet Evil Knievel was divorced.

Post Script...

Surgery was Tuesday. He was still a little sensitive about me posting about it, but now that he's had the surgery and all is well, I got the green light. The surgery went great, a little too great if you ask me. I wanted him to have enough pain that he had to pause before he got on that bike again, unfortunately, he's been relatively pain free. After the follow up appointment he said maybe he should be a stuntman when he grows up. We got a nice flower basket from some of the guys at corporate where he works, the card read "I told you so, you moron."

Rocks Are a Kids Best Friend

There was a lot of beautiful scenery on the way to Diamond Crater State Park, winding hilly roads, trees, and way off you could see the mountains, punctuated by the ever-present background music of four kids. "Are we there yet?" "How far is this place?" "When are we going to get there?" "Is that it?" And us singing along, "NO!" "We don't KNOW!" "Just a few MORE MINUTES!" "NO! Those are COWS!" Luckily it was only about a 15-20 minute drive.

Evidently there are a LOT of folks hoping to strike it rich at the Diamond Crater, because the parking lot was packed! They had a big info center so you could watch a video about the history and see some exhibits with examples of the kinds of rocks that you might find while digging. We did a cursory glance of the diamonds and went to the tool rental. We bought four hand shovels and rented one bucket and one set of screens. On the way out to the fields, we saw that three diamonds were found the day before and the pressure was on! Hmmm, thirty-seven acres, where to start? We let the kids pick a sight and then we got to digging. At least some of us did...

Two hours later, Peach had the bucket filled with potato sized rocks that were so heavy I could hardly pick the thing up and she was not willing to give up one of them. So on the way to the rock washing station, I lightened the load one rock at a time while she wasn't looking. We washed up, went out to the parking lot and unloaded food for a picnic. Up the hill to the picnic tables and I was so tired I didn't think I was going to make it. Unfortunately, no one was as tired as I was, after lunch they were refreshed and ready to get back to digging in a new spot. I'm too OCD for diamond digging. "What if there was a diamond in the old place I was digging and I just hadn't got to it yet? What if the diamonds are all over there? Or over there?" Again...I'm easily overwhelmed. We dug for another hour or so, till Ace pooped and a diaper change was necessary and believe me, once we trekked up that hill to the car again I was not going back!




They sold firewood at the visitor center and we picked up three bundles because we had heard it was supposed to be chilly that night and all the logs and sticks were wet from the night before. We headed back to camp and by 5:00 we were starting the charcoals for dinner. We had a very fine meal of grilled baja chicken, corn on the cob and some ranch style beans. Beans and a campfire, right? Finished up dinner enjoyed our fire for a little with more Smores on vanilla wafers and I was ready to hit the hay. Since I had slept in all my clothes the night before, I decided I would lighten up a little and put on my pajama pants, I dressed the Littles in their long john's. Peach wanted me to sleep next to her, so I took Charlie's place on the air-mattress, put Ace beside me so he could sleep in the crack. (Cause you know..with a big person on each side, he wasn't going to sink in.) It started to get cool, so I had Charlie bring me my sweatshirt and I put it on. Melee' slept in Ace's spot on the air mattress next to the tent wall as his mattress could not be repaired with duct tape. By midnight I had my sweatshirt hood pulled up and the drawstring closed tight enough that only my nose was sticking out and it was running. Charlie was complaining about having to sleep in the crack and we had some big laughs. He said "Your nose is running to keep it warm." and I said "Yeah, but it's making my ear cold." ewww :) At 4:30 Peach woke up and said "MOMMA, I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!" "What?" "I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!" "Can we go outside and squat by a tree?" "NOOOOO!" "Are you sure? It's really cold and it's a long way to the bathroom?" "NO MOMMA I HAVE TO GO THE BATHROOM! REAL BAD!" So we had to shod our feet, and put on jackets and we had to hike the one block gauntlet to the restrooms. Luckily we were able to warm up with the hand dryers for the walk back. "MOMMA, I'M REALLY COLD." "Shhhh, people are sleeping." "BUT I'M SHAKING!" "Shhhhh, I know baby, we're almost there." "LOOK MOMMA, LOOK AT ME SHAKING, CAN YOU HEAR MY TEETH SHAKING?" "Shhhhh, yes, everybody can hear you baby...." Back to bed and just as I drift off to sleep I hear something rustling in the leaves outside our tent. I jab Charlie "What's that!" "I think it's John, JOHN is that you?" "Yes, I'm getting my sweatshirt, I'm really cold." "Come in here and sleep with us."

So that's how we ended at 7:00 in the morning. Five men deep on the king size air mattress and one little girl snug inside her Hello Kitty fleece sleeping bag. Good times.

The Great Outdoors

By the time we got to the Daisy State Park (Diamond Crater State Park was full) it was almost dark so we scrambled to get our tent set up and get some hot dogs cooked and get the new propane lantern put together and lit before it got dark. It was a little overcast so we put on the rain fly for just in case. Charlie, being the real outdoors man, said "I've never put the rain fly on before. Usually when John and I go with the boy scouts and it rains, I just sleep in the car." Way to be prepared Dad. We got it all done, air mattresses blown up, sleeping bags rolled out, duffel bags and pillows put in the tent and we even ate a couple of Smores. On vanilla wafers. Because I forgot the graham crackers. Way to be prepared Mom.

Off to bed I went with the Littles a little bit after 9:00. The boys stayed up playing with the fire till just after ten and then they retired for the evening. We have a large two "room" tent and then John brings his own small tent because he's a boyscout like that. Charlie and I have two twin air mattresses connected in the middle and I just cover the whole thing with sheets. Ace on the far left next to the wall of the tent, me in the middle, Charlie next. Then Peach has her own blow-up Hello Kitty sleeping bag/mattress combo and then Melee' on his own single air mattress on the far right wall. As soon as Charlie comes to bed, it starts to sprinkle. It rained. all. night. long. Thunder, lightning the works. (Remember why we didn't camp in Texas? That's right, rain.) It takes less than an hour before I'm sleeping in the crack of the mattresses. Every time the wind would pick up, I'd pray "Please Lord, don't let a tree fall on our tent, Amen" And at some point in the night I jabbed Charlie awake and said "What's that?" (I'm thinking, "Tornado?") and he says "That's just the logging trucks going by on the highway." "Oh. Okay." I got back to sleep and slept pretty well the rest of the night, in five minute increments.

When we woke up the next morning we found Melee's mattress had had a leak and he had slept in his sleeping bag on the concrete pad. Up at the crack of dawn, we slaved over a small propane stove for a hearty breakfast of ham and egg taquitos. The kids went down and explored the lake shore and the boys tried to catch a fish. Peach and Ace grabbed a couple of sticks and I think they were playing some sort of "Bridge to Terabithia" kind of game, but at one point I heard Peach say "ACE, GRAB A STICK AND HIT A BABY!" I only noticed it because she yelled it about three times and we were the only people up and awake in our area of the campground. Evidently they put us in the "retirement village" section. So I look over and they're crouched over some small bush and whacking at it mercilessly. I could see through the bush enough to know they weren't whacking at any wildlife, so I did what any good mother would do. I left them to it. It warmed up pretty quickly and after gathering all our food boxes, we loaded up and headed for the Diamond Crater.

The Simple Life IV or Spring Break 2007

The original plan was to go to Rusk and campout and then ride the train over to Palestine, picnic then back to Rusk for another night of camping. But as with most plans for Spring Break and three day weekends, it started to rain. It rained for four days and we decided against mudding it for the last half of the week. So instead, we came up with a much more ambitious plan that meant driving for at least six hours, all the way to Arkansas’ Diamond Crater State Park.

It would have been a six hour trip, but since I’m doing everything my trainer tells me, I continued with my daily water consumption of 16 oz of water every couple of hours, which of course, meant a potty stop every couple of hours. And really, that shouldn’t be any different than Charlie guzzling down Diet Dr. Pepper non-stop on every other trip we’ve taken, because we also have to stop often. The difference being that A) I’m more discriminating about where I want to stop and B) when everyone sees Momma get out of the car, EVERYONE wants to get out of the car. Then when Momma gets something new to drink, EVERYONE wants something new to drink and maybe a snack to go with. And C) since we gave up fast food for lent and I’m watching my waistline, we had to stop at a fine dining establishment (or Appleby’s) for lunch. Eight hours later we were in Arkansas. (Cue the Deliverence music.)

I don’t get out of the house much, much less the state of Texas, and while I’ve seen a lot of farms and ranches and long dirt roads, I found Arkansas to be (ahem) quite rural. But no matter how unstable your shack, evidently it must be garnished with a satellite dish.

Tomorrow’s Installment: “Digging for Diamonds”


(John has an undisplaced fracture of the distal radius. Cast on Thursday)

Back in the Swing

Wow! Have I been out of it or what! This morning when I decided to visit my poor neglected blog, Blogger would not let me go to my old comfortable place, it made me go to the NEW AND IMPROVED BLOGGER, and that's when I found all of you were just sitting here waiting for me! All those fun comments! (And a couple of advertisements I forgot to reject) You guys made my day!

So to recap, don't tell my Mom about the M.O.T.O.R.C.Y.C.L.E. And I've lost fourteen pounds, and found a few muscles I forgot I had lying around. Thank God I've been pressing forty pound toddlers and curling twenty pound grocery bags or I would have been in DEEP trouble. WARNING: Exercise NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!!!!! I always thought, "Hey, I'll eat a little less, walk around the block a couple of times this week." Well NO WONDER I HAVEN'T LOST ANY WEIGHT IN THE LAST TEN YEARS!! THIS STUFF IS HARD!!! John fell down while rollerblading in the street yesterday and we're waiting for the call from the Dr. to see if his arm is broken. (Cause I'm a looser Mom who doesn't insist on him wearing the proper saftey gear.)

I'll fill ya'll in on our Spring break. I've moved my workout to 5:00 a.m. (yea, you heard me right, all prayers would be greatly appreciated), so I'm hoping to have enough time to get back to my daily blog.

And finally, I'll leave you with this scene from bathtime the other night...

"Okay, Peach, stand up. Hold my hand and step out..."

"EWWW Momma, Ace tee-teed in the bathtub!"

"It's okay, tee-tee is sterile."

"Momma! Ace steriled in the bathtub!"


Thanks everybody, and have a good night!

Shopping for DUMMIES

Reason 582 Not To Take Toddlers Shopping In Stores That Don't Have Baskets

When you go in to the Lane Bryant in search of a Sports Bra, that is exactly like the one you already have but in a different color, they will hide in the middle of every rack you pass. Then they will take the arms of the mannequins and try to dance with them, and when you chase them away from the headless girls, the toddler boy will circle back around and start patting her on the butt. And when you see what he's doing you think to yourself "Please Lord, let that be a mannequin and not the saleslady!" Then you will drag them back to the lingerie department and when you momentarily let go of their hands, they will go over to the big circular table that has a thousand pair of perfectly fanned out panties spiraled around it and the girl toddler will say in her best outside voice "EEWWW are those UNDERWEAR!?" and you'll whisper "Yes, there nice new, clean underwear." Whereupon she will lean over the table grab a handful and start sniffing them.

Dueling Forties

It's hard to admit you're becoming middle age. I thought I was going to see it coming. I knew something was up because sometimes when I'm shopping in Lane Bryant I think "I'm too old to be buying this sparkly crap!", then I go next door to Catherine's and say "Oh my God! Is that seersucker capri-pants with an elastic waistband?! I'm too young to wear that!"

And then one morning you wake up and your husband has a new shiny red Kawasaki ZX-1430958 in the garage and you've just hired a young, cute personal trainer at the gym and you realize "WE'RE HAVING A MIDLIFE CRISIS!"

And every time he tells me how fast that dang motorcycle goes, I tell him how many push-ups I did that day. I haven't told him yet that my trainer is so short, I could put him in my pocket. Gotta keep him on his toes. I don't want him picking up any drunk women at the Plantersville Chevron who want to go for a ride on the bike. Plus it might keep those Valentine flowers showing up year-round! I think it really irritates him that my trainers name is Charlie too. It really irritates me when he pulls up videos on You-tube of smart-a** showoffs, videoing themselves riding those mortorcycles at ridiculous speeds, while weaving in and out of traffic. The plus side is that I've lost eleven pounds and if he brings home any drunk women from Plantersville, I'll be able to kick their butt!

Dear Faithful Reader,

Hey girl!

I've been right here. Walking on the treadmill of life, or the elyptical of life, I have foot trouble you know. And you'd think that since I've been walking the elyptical of life for the last four weeks, I would of lost a pound. Hell no! I've only been walking thirty minutes everyday and I have yet to figure out how it blows a hole in my day that I can't seem to recover from.

I get up around 7:00, a little before on a good day. Then I wake up Melee' go downstairs and load or unload the dishwasher depending on the day. Make sure he gets his cereal and brushes his hair. (Boy will just go to school with his big bed head if you don't say anything to him.) ** Pay attention here, this is you first clue for whether or not you want multiple children ** By that time the Littles are up, I usually have their clothes set out and I have Peach dress herself and I have to get Ace's diaper changed and get him dressed. Critical Mass happens right when Melee' and Zoe (my niece) are set to walk out the door and the Littles are either chanting "I want meelk, I want meelk..." or they're trying to sneak out the front door with the big kids. Normally one is chanting, the other sneaking. And Melee's trying to walk out the door without his backpack. I try to either fold a load of clothes or start a load and call up the stairs for John. Try to get the Littles to eat something, pack Peach a lunch if it's school day and fix her hair. Second and third calls up to John and he's usually just down in the nick of time before the bus arrives at 8:30. After John is gone I usually get at least one phone call and then I try to eat my oatmeal, brush my teeth and make sure I have appropriate clothes on. (One afternoon I took John to Faith Formation, where I'm a teacher helper and I looked down to discover I had on my houseshoes.) Then I start gathering lunch boxes, diaper bags, purses, keys, gym membership card, cell phone, earphones, and any other miscellaneous paperwork etc. and the goal is to leave by 9:15. Peach dropped off at 9:30 and then Ace and I head to the gym. Get him checked in, find myself an elyptical with a t.v. and start watching The View at 10:00. 10:30 I pick up Ace and we run our errands, grab lunch and pick up Peach at 1:30 then home, books, nap. I then sit catatonic on the couch until the kids get up/home at about 3:30. Oh sure I do a couple of loads of laundry, finish whatever I didn't get done in the kitchen and then get ready for snackfest and homework. The afternoon is largely a blur, John gets home at 4:30 and then I go to the pantry and figure out what's for dinner. (I'm the Rachel Ray of canned food.)

Then Monday night there's Boyscouts where I'm the treasurer. (Please shoot me.) Tuesday night is Viola lesson, Tuesday/Thursday Melee' has drama, and we just started baseball season.

Bedtime is 8:00 for the Littles, 8:30 for Melee' and God help me, John stays up till 9:00. My husband and I then stare at the T.V for an hour before we go upstairs to stare at the T.V. in the laying down position. (And to be fair, I stare at the T.V. more than he does.) Then we drift off only to find that we have to get up and do it all over again tomorrow.

The other day I almost drew a cartoon of myself with a raincloud following me around to post but I decided that was sort of a downer, and I'm nothing if not optimistic.

Thanks for checking in with me! I've been stalking the cute pictures of "the boy". I have been wanting to blog about something that I'm just not ready for my Mom to read, but my Dad found out the other day, so I may as well. Stay tuned....

Adventures in Fine Dining

Subtitle: One more reason, I might be a Redneck.

While in Canton, Mom and I made our reservation to go to the fanciest Steakhouse in the surrounding area. We put on our very best jeans and sweatpants, (I'm serious, but I had on a really nice jacket and my best jewelry and Mom was working the dressy sweatpant/sweater combo) I wouldn't go so far as to say we were elegant, but I can say we were more dressed up than 90% of the clientele.

So we're escorted to our table, watered and menued. We ordered our steak and Caesar salads with asparagus and au gratin potatoes, The waitress brings out the salads, we get a little freshly ground pepper and we dig in for our first bite. I look at Mom, she looks at me, we take another bite. She looks at me, I look at her ... okay, who's gonna say it. Finally she says, "Does your salad taste fishy?" "Yes!" So we have a whole discussion of what in the world it could be, dirty bowl? greens in the fridge with unwrapped fish? We take another couple of bites of the salad and she says "Can you say something? Because whenever I say anything, it comes out bitchy." "Yeah, I think I can say something." I am after all, the queen of diplomacy.
The waitress comes by and says "Everything okay here ladies?"
"Well as a matter of fact, the salad tastes a little fishy." I whisper.
"Oh, well Caesar dressing has anchovies in it."
"REALLY?" we both gape.
"Oh yeah! Didn't you know that?"

(Oh sure I knew that. I just like to look like an idiot in front of people on my day off.)

The next day as we were laughing at ourselves and wondering how many people were having a knee slapper in the kitchen, I said, "My steak was really not as pink as it was supposed to be, but it was good." "Well why didn't you SEND IT BACK!"

I was too scared! I was afraid it might come back tasting like fish. And to tell you the truth, after ten or fifteen years of really enjoying Caesar salads, I think I'm all done. And YES, I know what Blue Cheese is and I'm not eating any of THAT either!

Mother's Day Out, Squared

I'm having a mini-vacation! Charlie's taking a day and a half off, so that I can cruise down to my Mom's and go kicking around First Monday Trade Days. Miles and miles of flea markets and crafts and food and clothes and food and wrought iron and lemonade and purses and things on a stick.

I'd never do First Monday by myself because it would be like going to a gigantic garage sale which I despise, so I would drift helplessly toward the arts and crafts where I would buy armloads of wooden crafts with hearts carved in them and get home and think "What in the *@&! was I thinking?" But my Mom and Aunt are excellent tour guides and do not allow purchases of anything carved in wood.

I'm so desperate to get out of these four walls. The weather man just said that out of the last 20 days we've had twenty days of precipitation. AAACCCKKK! So sorry to anyone who lives in that kind of climate BY CHOICE! I would go out of my ever-lovin mind! And three days being kid-free will be a nice break. Maybe Charlie will have that three-week progress report all ironed out by the time I get home.

It could happen.

Paper Dolls, The New Zen Garden

Because it rained again Saturday. I decided to take Peach over to the Scrapbook store and look for a paperdoll template. We found the one we wanted, found two shades of fair skin colored paper and as luck would have it, the store carried a die cut of the exact doll we wanted. So rather than having to trace each doll individually and cuting them out, we rolled them thru the die cut machine two at a time and came home with over a dozen doll figures to clothe.

We sat down at the table armed with markers, tape, and all my scrapbook paper. She chose the first color for her outfit, I traced and started to cut. The whole process was very relaxing, almost meditative. Well, right up until....

Ace: I want a daaaahhhl.
Me: Okay, here you go.
Ace: I want a Daddy Dahl too.
Me: Okay, there's a Daddy doll for you.
Ace: I WANT A RED SHIIRT! I WANT A RED SHIIRT!
Me: Okay Baby, but I have to cut out Peaches clothes first.
Ace: BUT I WANT A RED SHIRT!
Me: I'm working on it, give me just a sec.
Peach here's your shirt, what color pants do you want?
Ace: I WANT A RED SHIRT!
Me: I know baby, wait your turn please.
Peach: I want the same pants.
Me: Both with stars?
Ace: I WANT A RED SHIRT!
Peach: Yes, I want them to be pajamas.
(Ooo! What a cute idea! Why didn't I think of that?)
Ace: (Fist pounds on the table, he's now in tears.) I WANT A RED SHIRT!
Me: For goodness sake Ace! Here....which color red do you want? This one?
Ace: No.
Me: This one?
Ace: Mmm, no.
Me: How bout this one?
Ace: No.
Me: Okay I'm running out of red paper baby, you have to pick one.....

And so on throughout the afternoon. To my suprise all the kids wanted to make there own doll.


This is John.

My interpretation, then his, he decided he needed a nose. I was very impressed that he cut out his own shoes.










This is Melee'. He was SO creative, he added a basebell glove, ball, cap, and although his brother laughed at his third arm, it is actually his baseball bat bag thrown over his shoulder.










This is Peach. Three versions all by me. She made at least four of her own, but before I knew what she was doing, she gave them all to her cousin.

So I have none for my scrapbook. *sigh*








And THIS ladies and gentlemen, is Ace, in his red shirt.

And my naked diaper version.

Answering Your Burning Question

Why the infrequent posts?

Holiday letdown + a touch of S.A.D. + Dish Network = Infrequent posts

But not to worry, I've joined a gym and after almost a week of excercise and the fact that THE SUN CAME OUT YESTERDAY I'm feeling much better!

Gratuitous Product Testimonial

Special Order 5" Boutique with Jester Print

Special ordered to match

Gymboree's Peruvian Doll Collection

Punkinhead Hairwear

"Because every girl is a Princess"

Let me just say, for the most part, I'm a fashion don't. I don't go to department stores because I am easily overwhelmed, so many sections and what goes with what? And even if I can find something I usually stick to black because if it's all black, it has to go together? Right? And then there's always the issue of shoes. I can't even think about it. I love them all, but is that for young girls? Is this pair too old lady-ish? Oww! That HURTS! Forget it.

So when it comes to dressing Peach, Gymboree is the most fabulous thing I've ever seen in my entire life! You go online, and they have all the pieces by category and some of the outfits are already put together, like Granimals only cuter. So I log on, wait for them to go on sale and shop to my heart's content. And THEN, I ordered matching bows.

It's the closest to the cover of Vogue as I'll ever get. Thanks SuperMom!

(Unless they do a covershot of the fashion Don't)

In my unsolicited opinion....

HAPPY FEET



Nyeh. It was okay I guess. Only marginally more entertaining than March of the Penguins, which I thought was sad. Only the Robin Williams one-liners made it entertaining. Ace actually turned to me during the show and asked to go home. That's an emphatic two-thumbs down for him.



Olivia forms a band

I LOVE the Olivia books and this one does not disappoint! I love a book that makes the kids and I laugh outloud. I love the illustrations, the color, and miss Olivia's attitude. When we got to the page where she put on makeup, we laughed till we cried.


Living with Ed

This is my latest HGTV obsession. I've developed an interest in all things recyclable over the last couple of years and I recently watched An Inconvenient Truth, which was really good and really scary. This show is hilarious! It's like Ed and his wife are the two sides of my brain. One side wants me to drive a Hybrid and cook in a tinfoil oven, the other wants new dubs for my SUV. Xzibit! Pimp my ride!

What was I thinking?

I've got four twelve year old boys and a 10 year old boy coming to sleepover and go laser-tagging for John's 13th birthday.

That's a total of nine kids in my house tonight.

I'm planning on hiding in my room.

Meanwhile Ace is driving me nuts. Every three minutes he goes off like a gyser.

"MAAAAHHHHHM, I NEED CHEX MIX!"

"MAAHM, I NEED A DRIIINK!"

"MAHM, I CAN'T PUSH THIS BUTTON!"

"MAAAHHHM, WHERE ARE YOU?"

"MAAAAHHM, WHERE AARRRRE YOU?"

Shhhhh, I'm hiding in my closet.

"THE FLOWERS ARE MAKING ME HUNGRY!"

"MAAAHM, CAN I HAVE A POPSICLE?"

"MAAHM, I NEEED A POPSICLE, I'M NOT FEELIN TO GOOD!"

"I NEEED A POPSICLE!"