I pledge allegiance to the inattentive and the lazy kids of America...

I nervously take a seat, I look around and shoot a tentative smile at the girl in the seat next to me. I know her, but she either doesn't recognize me or she doesn't like me. My mind always goes to the second option. Another girl in the class raises her hand and says, "Do you have an email address?" Mrs. Reisenhoffer cuts her off with a quick "Yes, I'll get to that in just a minute when everyone takes their seats." Crap, she's all business. I like a little humor with my Texas History. Everyone scurries to their seat as the tardy bell rings, and Mrs. starts her "Welcome to the class and these are my expectations ... " A minute passes and then she heads to her desk to pick up an example of the Texas History Interactive Notebook, and my heart sinks.

No, this isn't my recollection of my Texas History class, it's my son's Parent/Teacher night at the Intermediate School. After the announcement of another year of Interactive Notebooks, it was all downhill from there. The Interactive Notebook, you see, is a form of Cruel and Unusual Punishment for boys certainly, but for boys with ADD Inattentive Type in particular. The World History teacher last year, became my arch nemisis and it's not looking good for this year either.

This child of mine, you'd love him. He's great with adults. He's as smart as they come. He has a wicked sense of humor. I have pledged not to stay angry with him for the entire school year like I did last year. It's a pledge I don't know if I'll be able to uphold.

We get to Science where Ms. Carlie, who is young and really nice, starts off by saying that the thing they are really working on these first few weeks has been respect. Respect. R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to... ahem. Respect for each other, respect for themselves, respect for other peoples property. I look at the others sitting around me. Is my son in a class full of hooligans? Some suck-up Dad jumped up at the ring of the bell and introduced himself and thanked her for blah blah blah. I lagged behind being the shy kid and said "Um, Ms. Carlie? I'm John's mother. " She nods in recognition "That whole thing with the notebook tests?" She nods again and slowly closes her eyes, she already knows where I'm going. "Um, John has trouble with the organizational aspect. Can I bring him early for help with that, rather than the material?" "Yes. Sweet kid." she replies. Two down, two to go.

We get to Math and Mr. Smith is standing outside the door to greet us and shake our hands as we walk in the door. Definitely outside of the normal protocol. He starts his seven minute speech and in bops this chick with big blonde curly hair pulled off her face with a clip being perky and "Ohmygawd I'm sorry I'm late." chewing gum in her sparkly too tight "look at my titties" shirt and I may as well be back in junior high myself. GadZOOKS! Mr. Smith pauses only slightly before returning to his monotone "..the kids and I are adding and subtracting integers and yesterday we went out in the hall and walked the numberline. We walked up the numberline, and down the numberline as we added and subtracted integers. Then we came back in the room and I gave them blocks to stack as we added and subtracted integers." Crap! Is my kid in remedial math and nobody told me? Another glance around the room at the parents.

And lastly English. Finally somebody in my class that I know! I saved Chase a seat and we whispered about how exciting it was to be in class together. The teacher had good energy but was quick to explain that the kids were really in for it this year. Last year they had two class periods for English/Language Arts but this year they have to pack it all into one class time and our kids have it the last period of the day, when they're all tired and ready to go home. She started talking about how "I know you won't believe this, but some of your kids are going to tell you that they don't have any homework, but they're wrong. We have two vocab words everyday that we write down. They have to know the synonym and the antonym, how to use it in a sentence and the definition of the word. They should be bringing those home to look at everyday. They should already have about sixteen words." Chase had seen the look on my face and it's all she could do not to bust out laughing, and it's all I could do not to kick her shin under the desk. This shit's not funny!

I got home around 9:00 and went up to kiss the boys goodnight. "John, do you know you have a history test tomorrow?" "Yes." "Did you study?" "Mom. I know everything." "Did you read the chapter?" "Yes." "Did you do the study guide?" Pause. "Yes." (Can't look me in the eye.) "John? Did you finish the study guide? Don't lie to me." "Well, we didn't have time to finish it. (We) Mom! I know everything for the test." "Do you have your Science tabs set up? I don't remember signing her set-up guide." "You did, it had a fish on it." "Is it set up?" "Oh, I don't need to do that."

This would all be a lot easier if I could just go and do it for him. If it weren't for Orchestra, I'd homeschool him. Luckily the school is selling Otis Spunkmeyer Cookies this year. I'll be laying in my supply of Pity Party Peanut Butter and Gourmet Turtle Chocolate cookies. Because I'm nothing, if not supportive.